My Sunday is coming to an end. I'll be going to my weekly doctor's appointment tomorrow morning before going to work to check in with the two year olds. (aka Nico and Sissy) My hubby and thirteen year old are in the basement playing the new Playstation 3 that my son bought yesterday with money he received from my parents. You're thinking... wow that's a lot of money and you're absolutley right! $300 for a refurbished Playstation 3 from GameStop. Well, my parents made a deal with my son to encourage him to bring his Math grade up from a C to an A. It took him four to five months of hard work and tutoring but he did it! We are very proud of him. Anyway, my ADD is kicking in and I know I had a point to this post. What was it? Hummmm?
Oh yes! I am sitting in our living room, lights low, TV on and not really watching the stupid Lifetime movie that I have playing. I am thinking about the precious baby that is wriggling in my belly. I am daydreaming about how beautiful and sweet she will be and then suddenly I am struck with a scary thought! I haven't taken care of an infant in 13 years! Can I do this again? I know that I am more experienced than I was at 25 but I am a lot older too. It took a lot of patience and energy to take care of my son when I was in my 20s and now I am going to be doing the same things with my daughter at the age of 38! It's not like I didn't think of this when hubby and I had decided that we wanted a baby but it is becoming so REAL now. I only have five more weeks until D day! My honey keeps reminding me that I'm not doing this alone like I did the first time. I'll tell you, it does make me feel better knowing that I have help this time but I am also a REALIST! I know that when it comes down to it, I am MOM. Moms are the nurturers and the care takers. Moms carry the inner burdens and responsibilities in their hearts whether they have help or not. Plus, I am somewhat of a perfectionist. I like things the way I want them. I know that we (my family) will do our best but I am also very aware that there are going to be tough times and chaos. The sleepless nights. Learning to breastfeed again and countless moments when you can't relax because your baby is sick and you feel helpless to make them better.
What can a woman do? I will just exhale and pray that God will give me the strength to meet all of the challenges that lie ahead. I will focus on each day, one at a time. I will savor the quiet of this room and save my energy for more positive things. Tonight is a great night for a warm bubble bath and candle light. Rest well my friends and I'll check in again soon. Thanks for listening...........
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