I suck at this!

I am sorry it has been over a month since my last post.  This mommy thing has really consumed me and blogging is like the last thing I have made time for.  I'm lucky to get a shower every other day and put my make up on daily.  Ok... so I don't put my make up on everyday but try to most days just because it makes me feel more human.  Ok... back to the story.
Soooo, I'm feeling on top of the world with my epidural and even said to the nurses standing by, " why on earth would someone not want to get an epidural?"  I didn't have one with my son but it wasn't necessarily my choice.  This was going to be WAY better.  Dr. A walks in and says hi.  I'm like hey I'm feeling great now, I just got my drugs on.  He said that he had been there a while and intentionally waits until the epidurals are in affect.  I'm thinking... smart man!  He proceeds to do what doctors do and checks my cervix.  Woah!  I was now dilated 7 centimeters.  I was so excited to hear this.  Dr. A said it was ok for the boys to come back.  Yay!  And also very happy that my honey had insisted on calling the doctor.  Otherwise, we may have had a home birth! 
Suddenly, the nurses started acting very nervous and asking me to flip from side to side.  They weren't saying why and I wasn't paying attention to the monitors.  Then I heard it.  The slow thud... thud..  OMG!  Is that the baby's heartbeat?  It was.  Her heart rate had slowed down dangerously slow.  They rush to get Dr A back in the room and then we hear the heart beating more rhythmically and faster.  He leaves again to go tell the boys they can come join me in the labor room.  Within just a couple minutes I hear the heart rate slow to the frightening thud...... thud....... thud.  The nurses have me flip so more and the doctor comes in and says, " we have to go... NOW!   I need to do an emergency C section.  Clint and Riley walk in right behind him and have just heard the terrifying news.  I'm like... that's fine with me just get her out in my arms ASAP!  The doctor announced that he didn't want to take the time to go get a different bed and just to take my bed to the ER, NOW!  His urgency was making me very nervous.  The bad part about his decision is that this bed was much wider than the ER beds and it took the nurses a very long time to get me to the ER.  The wheels on the bed kept jamming up and the bed wouldn't turn the corners.  I was starting to cry and thinking to myself, "We are going to be too late!  My baby is going to die.  Oh, God don't let my baby die.  I know I must have made promises to be the best mother on earth and do everything in my power to raise my baby right.  Please just don't take our precious baby."

continued...

Once we arrived at the hospital I was ready for my epidural and hoped that they would meet me in the parking lot and get things going.  Wishful thinking!  They did the routine check in, which seemed to take FOREVER but hubby told me later that they were very quick.  I was then wheeled into the birth center by a very kind and compassionate lady that worked at the the front desk.  She pushed easily over the bumps along the way and I was very grateful.  It's amazing how sensitive you get when you are in the thresholds of pain.  I was growing nervous that I was going to be having my baby soon and once we finally reach the laboring room I was ready to get hooked up. Drugs?  Yes please!  The nurses checked me and I was already 5 centimeters dilated.  Wow.  No wonder I was in pain.  They called my new best friend, the anesthesiologist, to get my epi started.  She started to explain how she was going to administer the procedure as I was breathing through my very painful contractions.  I didn't hear anything she was saying and I didn't care.  I was thinking... I don't care, hurry the hell up!  It didn't take long for the procedure and within five mintues I was starting to feel like myself.  I no longer wanted to rip out my honey's eyes and scream at my doctor for not being at the hospital. 

Well, Hell!  Kennedy is ready to eat again.  My new life revolves around her feeding schedule.  :-)

Early Arrival

Well, my plan to give the play by play was completely trashed.  I went into labor the early morning of March 27th.  I woke around 3:00am with cramping and a full bladder.  I got up to relieve my extremely bloated bladder and thought the cramps would go away.  As I lay there the cramping doesn't stop.  I remembered a post on the What to Expect forum that stated that her labor contractions felt like severe menstrual cramps.  I'm thinking... no way, but I can't sleep.  I decide to go downstairs because I didn't want to wake my hubby with my tossing about.  I look at the clock and it's about 4:00 by this time and I started having mild contractions as I went down the stairs.  I decided to time the contractions with my handy Contraction Timer app on my iPhone.  As I walk around downstairs the contractions do get stronger and they are averaging about three minutes apart.  I decide to bounce on my balance ball to see if I can get the contractions going stronger.  I wasn't going to be one of those women that drive 25 minutes to the hospital and be sent back home due to false labor.  By 5:00 I am pretty certain that I am in labor and decide to warn Clint even though I don't feel that we should rush to the hospital.  He decides to get up around 5:15 and make sure cameras are ready to go and his bag is packed.  Clint convinces me to go ahead and call the doctor to alert him that contractions have started.  I plan to stay at home as long as possible but Dr. A tells me to go in to the birth center.  We wake Riley to get his things ready to go to the hospital and I send my mom a text letting her know that we are going to the hospital.  (They had stopped in St Louis, MO to rest for the night.)
It is almost 6:30 when we finally have everything packed in the Tahoe and ready to roll.  I am walking around outside waiting for the guys and the contractions are really starting to hurt.  I alert the guys that WE NEED TO GO!  HURRY!  The drive to the hospital was pretty tough.  Contractions were about every two minutes and Holy Moly strong!  I am trying my best to not say anything at all and concentrate on breathing.  Riley is in the backseat and I am afraid that the only words that I could intelligently utter would be Oh shit, F%$K, and Damn this hurts!  So I don't speak at all.  Of course, even though there is very little traffic at this time of the morning we manage to catch EVERY red light between our house and the interstate! 

My little angel is ready to eat so I'll have to continue the story later....

Still Prego!?

Greetings!  Yes. I am still pregnant.  38 weeks 5 days to be exact.  I didn't think I could make it this far but have to say, I am glad.  We've had an interesting week.  It has been exciting, enlightening, and frustrating all in one.  At my appointment on Monday, the little sweet pea was motionless once again during her weekly check up and Dr. A asked me to return on Thursday for a follow up.  He did the cervical check and tried to do the tonsil-ectomy again!  I just don't remember the cervical checks being painful at all with my son, Riley.  But, I'm not an expert and that was 13 years ago, right?  Well, I was still 1cm dilated and 0 effacement.  No progress from last Monday.  On Thursday, I gobbled down two Cutie oranges and drank some ice cold water on my way to the appointment.  I was hopeful this would get her going but was  skeptical because I haven't felt her move but a couple times all morning.  Clint met me at the hospital to hold my hand because he knew that I had been worried about her lack of movement over the last few days.  (He is so wonderful!) 
Well despite my efforts and hopes, sleeping beauty was not to be disturbed during her naptime and failed her test.  Dr. A did the cervical check and routine jabs then told me that he wanted me to go to the birth center for at least an hour for monitoring.  I was nervous about this even though he told me that he felt that everything was fine.  He did tell me on the way out that I had progressed to 3 cm.  That was a little exciting to hear but from experience and reading knowledge I know this may mean absolutely NOTHING!  He instructed me to gulp down another serving or two of orange juice and hike over to the birth center.  I had to stop at the ladies room twice on the way to the birth center due to the fact that I had consumed so much liquid over the last hour.  Clint and I finally found our way to the birth center after having to ask for directions twice.  I swear this hospital is a maze!  They hooked me up and I casually talked with the nurses while being monitored.  An interesting fact about our conversation was finding out that Dr A had been stripping my membranes at my last three visits.  So THAT is why I had been feeling so much pain during the cerix checks?  Duh!  Needless to say, I was a bit peeved that my Doc had been stripping my membranes without my knowledge and consent.  Clint asked the nurses if this was a routine procedure that doctors do without talking with patients about it.  It was confirmed that many doctors do not tell their patients they are doing this  because they don't want them to be nervous and anxious that they will be starting labor soon.  In addition, they will not think something is wrong if the procedure doesn't work.  This didn't make me feel better about the fact that my Doc was naturally trying to induce labor without my knowledge and consent to do so.  I am not a child and don't treat me as such!  I will be confronting Dr A on Monday about this and letting him know that I feel betrayed that he chose to do this.  I never said I wanted my labor induced in any way, naturally or medically!  I'm sure his intentions are just to be helpful but if I want help I will ask for it.  Grrr! 
It is Saturday and I still have not started having contractions or any signs of labor.  I did loose my mucous plug yesterday and have been continuing to loose mucous over the last 24 hours.  I can't remember how soon I went into labor with Riley after loosing the plug but I know from research that it is possible to start labor within 24 hours or within two weeks.  HA!  In other words, it still means NOTHING!  This can be frustrating for someone like me that likes to plan and control much of everything in my life.  LOL  God should have created a magic belly button that has a green light whenever it is GO TIME! 
But, the element of surprise makes it exciting too.  We are all very ready for our sweet pea to be here and I will continue to daydream about how beautiful she will be and how complete she will make our lives.  Oh BTW, Meeme and Papa left this morning and will be here tomorrow.  We are very excited that they will be here for her arrival day!  Now that my mom's going to be here, maybe our little lady will make her debut.
I plan to give a play by play on D Day!  Stay tuned.....

Two weeks and counting!

Sorry it's been a while, my friends.  I've been super busy getting ready for the little one.  I think I'm ready to relax now and let nature take it's course.  My appointment last Monday with Dr. A went very well.  He did the normal checks with the baby's heart rate and movement and he was satisfied even though she didn't make an A+.  She has been moving around a lot more in the evenings than she does during the day. I hope she isn't going to have her nights and days confused.  Dr. A also did another cervix check and I swear he was trying to remove my tonsils.  I thought about telling him that if he wanted to take my tonsils he would have an easier reach from my throat!  I actually yelled a little bit as he shoved his hand/arm into my Hoo hoo so deep I was worried it may never come out.  :-O !!  OUCH!  After the torture was over, he told me I was only 1 centimeter dilated and 0% effaced.  What a waste of his effort and my pain. 
Friday evening we had a little excitement.  I started having regular 3:00 minute contractions around  7:30 and around 8:30 I decided to take a shower to see if it would slow things down or if they were indications of false labor.  By 9:00 they had slowed down and completely stopped by 10:00pm.  I guess my body is gearing up for the final act.  The Super Full Moon we had this weekend definitely had an effect on my contractions but failed to break my water. I was a little disappointed but also happy that it was false labor contractions because I really have my heart set on having an April baby.  Diamonds and Daisies are a perfect symbol of a little beauty's birth month.  Plus, diamonds will look really nice on my mother's ring! LOL
I'll check back in after my doc's appointment tomorrow.  I hope the contractions on Friday and over the weekend have caused my cervix to ripen a bit.  Only two more weeks to go!  

Hip hop and Orange Juice

Well, all the worry about sleeping beauty was unnecessary.  She has been dancing hip hop all weekend!  I have my regular appointment tomorrow before I start my long week of work with the kiddos.  I suspect that all will be rather routine unless Dr. A feels he needs to do another heart/movement test.  Just in case, I will be chugging orange juice shots on the way to the doctor's office to make sure she is dancing to the beat!  Too bad it can't be a screw driver or a Mimosa! Mmmmm.  I can't wait to partake of an adult beverage after baby G is born.  Although, I'll be breastfeeding so I'll have to have one of them once or twice a month. :-)  Do you have any suggestions for my first adult beverage?

Decreased movement at 35 weeks?

My doctor's appointment on Monday went pretty well but they did a heart rate/movement test and my Little One flunked it.  I had no idea that a fetus would be taking tests so early and she has already received her first F.  :-(  I hope that is not an indication of her academic years to follow.  LOL  Well, I had to go back to the doctor today (Thursday) for a re-test.  Poor little beauty flunked it again!!  So now I'm a little nerved and wondering why my sweet pea isn't moving around like she normally does.  Her heart rate was good and he checked my cervix, Ouch!  He said she is still floating high and my cervix is closed.  Even still, I am suppose to continue my kick counts tonight and call them tomorrow.  He may want to see me tomorrow if she remains a sleeping beauty and isn't kicking me around.  Otherwise, I go back on Monday for my normal weekly check up.  Therefore, my assignment tonight is to get her going and count her kicks.  Wish me luck!!

Am I ready for this?

My Sunday is coming to an end. I'll be going to my weekly doctor's appointment tomorrow morning before going to work to check in with the two year olds.  (aka Nico and Sissy)  My hubby and thirteen year old are in the basement playing the new Playstation 3 that my son bought yesterday with money he received from my parents.  You're thinking... wow that's a lot of money and you're absolutley right!  $300 for a refurbished Playstation 3 from GameStop.  Well, my parents made a deal with my son to encourage him to bring his Math grade up from a C to an A.  It took him four to five months of hard work and tutoring but he did it!  We are very proud of him.  Anyway, my ADD is kicking in and I know I had a point to this post.  What was it?  Hummmm?

Oh yes!  I am sitting in our living room, lights low, TV on and not really watching the stupid Lifetime movie that I have playing.  I am thinking about the precious baby that is wriggling in my belly. I am daydreaming about how beautiful and sweet she will be and then suddenly I am struck with a scary thought!  I haven't taken care of an infant in 13 years!  Can I do this again?  I know that I am more experienced than I was at 25 but I am a lot older too.  It took a lot of patience and energy to take care of my son when I was in my 20s and now I am going to be doing the same things with my daughter at the age of 38!  It's not like I didn't think of this when hubby and I had decided that we wanted a baby but it is becoming so REAL now.  I only have five more weeks until D day!  My honey keeps reminding me that I'm not doing this alone like I did the first time.  I'll tell you, it does make me feel better knowing that I have help this time but I am also a REALIST!  I know that when it comes down to it, I am MOM.  Moms are the nurturers and the care takers.  Moms carry the inner burdens and responsibilities in their hearts whether they have help or not.  Plus, I am somewhat of a perfectionist.  I like things the way I want them.  I know that we (my family) will do our best but I am also very aware that there are going to be tough times and chaos. The sleepless nights.  Learning to breastfeed again and countless moments when you can't relax because your baby is sick and you feel helpless to make them better.

What can a woman do? I will just exhale and pray that God will give me the strength to meet all of the challenges that lie ahead.  I will focus on each day, one at a time.  I will savor the quiet of this room and save my energy for more positive things.  Tonight is a great night for a warm bubble bath and candle light.  Rest well my friends and I'll check in again soon.  Thanks for listening...........

Mommy [refresh]: After thirteen years?

Mommy [refresh]: After thirteen years?: "I should have started this blog nine months ago but life has been pretty chaotic. Then I started to think, 'Hey! This is a great way t..."

After thirteen years?

I should have started this blog nine months ago but life has been pretty chaotic.  Then I started to think, "Hey! This is a great way to share my joys, vent my frustrations, and keep my inner ego in check." 
I know your wondering what the story is, so I won't delay.  I am 38 years old and 35 weeks pregnant with my second child.  You're thinking, "OK?  So what?"  Well, my first child is thirteen years old and he is the only fantastic outcome from my first marriage that ended 12 years ago.  I raised my son by myself with the help of my wonderful parents.  I'm so proud of the young man that he is becoming and even though I know I've made multiple mistakes along the way I have to look at him and say, "Damn, I'm not doing too bad!"

I feel I need to give some background but I don't really want to spend a lot of time doing that.  To make a long story short, I met the man of my dreams and we got married on June 27, 2009.  My hubby is a Master Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps.  (Yes, I am very proud of him.)  He was transfered to a reserve center located in Chicago, IL.  So here I am 800 miles from family and friends, unemployed, and trying to keep my sanity.  Needless to say, the first year here was the toughest but it seems that I've come full circle.  I searched for employment in the nearby school districts for the first year we were here until I gave up and decided to look outside the box for a job.  I accepted a job as a full time nanny for a family with twin 15 month olds.  So, here I am.  A certified school teacher and school counselor working 50-60 hours a week and my bosses are two year olds! 

I didn't want life to get too boring so Honey and I decided to HAVE A BABY!  After thirteen years of having an only child, I'm patiently awaiting the arrival of our precious baby girl!  She is due to join us on April 4th, 2011.  My family and I can't be more excited to welcome her into our world.  My story hasn't just begun but I never would have guessed that it would have so many interesting twists.